Love and Happiness: Why Small Things Can Shatter Happiness

By R D PARKAR

Who doesn't want to be happy? We all desire happiness. We pursue pleasures systematically through life - it comes as naturally to us as the sunflower turns to the sun. But, pleasure once obtained does not last; so once again, the search begins. Moreover, pleasure is ephemeral; it eludes the seeker at the final moment. One may work very hard and get all that the world considers necessary for a happy life, yet none of these things can make us really happy.

Sorrow is a fact of conditioned existence, said Buddha. It is pain and suffering that leads us towards growth. Aeschylus said: "Call no man happy till he is dead", that is, till he has carried that happiness safely to his grave.

"Accept the woes of birth" advises the Mahayana Buddhist text. One of the implications of this "acceptance" is resignation and recognition of limitations. Having tried our best to change the situation, we must then learn to resign. Contentment cannot come by looking at those who have more than we have. It comes when we try to look at those who are worse off, who are less fortunate than we are. A Christian saint said: "I cried for boots until I saw a man who had no legs." The more things we require for being happy, the greater our chances for despair and disappointment.

There are several people who do not have even the basic necessities of life and are yet happy. Happiness is a state of mind. This is easier to achieve once we learn to be less self- centred. The more egocentric we are, the more vulnerable we become; even a small thing can shatter our happiness.

At the material, intellectual and spiritual levels there is every chance of our being disappointed so long as we are egocentric. It may be something as petty as not being invited to a lunch party; or, if a colleague gets a promotion and we do not, we become unhappy; or if another person is judged kinder and nobler than we are, even then, we tend to become jealous. Statistically, there is a bell-shaped curve, tapering off, either side, showing that extreme cases are rare.

So extremely good or extremely bad people are rare. We need to cultivate mudita or sympathetic joy. If our friend or neighbour is happy, then it should fill our hearts with joy as well. Cultivate detached attachment, since everything is transient. In our happiest and saddest moments, we must remind ourselves: "This too shall pass away."

"In sensation no permanent home can be found, because change is the law of this vibratory existence. It is useless to pause and weep for a scene in a kaleidoscope which has passed," teaches the mystical book, The

Light on the Path. The ocean of life washes up to us and away again. We are so dependent on outside things and people for our happiness that if any of them are missing we feel thoroughly miserable. Above all, the question is of moulding our self-will. "The way to inward peace is in all things to conform to the plea-sure and disposition of the Divine Will."

If we want lasting happiness we must be prepared to surrender pleasures of preyas or smaller worth for pleasures of shreyas or greater worth. True happiness comes about when, even for a few moments, we forget ourselves, making it possible for us to establish contact with our higher nature, the divinity within. When we are admiring a painting or listening to a piece of music or observing the sun set, we do forget ourselves for those moments. We sometimes experience this bliss when we meditate.

We also experience this happiness when we forget ourselves in helping someone or in doing good works without any self-interest. So long as we are searching for happiness, we are bound to be unhappy. But when we cease making happiness our goal, we shall definitely experience it as a kind of by-product.

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See also: Love and Happiness, Life and Beyond, Death and Dying, Body Mind and Soul)