Practising Affirmations: One step at a time...

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Practising Affirmations: One step at a time...

The secret to moving on is to overcome the two roadblocks of resistance and fear, says Suzanne Zoglio

Whether life hands you a bucket of stuff that you're anxious to get rid of, or you find yourself sitting on life's sidelines but longing for something more, the dilemma is the same. How do we get the push we need to move on? It's that old approach avoidance thing that keeps us stuck.

Our hearts say, "Go," but our feet won't move. One foot firmly placed in what we know; the other poised to take us to what we truly desire. It all seems so simple, intellectually. We want something different, so why don't we just move forward with all the gusto we can muster? As a psychologist and coach specialising in life transitions, I have seen two primary roadblocks to moving on: resistance and fear.

"Resistance," you are probably thinking, "what planet is she from? You bet I'm resistant. Who wants to lose a mate, get fired, and get diagnosed with hypertension?" Or perhaps you find yourself in some other uncomfortable place. So what's resistance got to do with moving on or drowning in misfortune? Imagine you are standing by the ocean's edge. For balance, you dig your heels into the sand. But each new wave just knocks you down. Finally, the undertow drags you out to sea.

If you try swimming back against the tide, you'll exhaust yourself and drown. If you do as water safety experts tell us - swim parallel to shore until the powerful current subsides - you'll likely survive. Therein lies the first secret to moving on.

The next time you experience a loss, or face real disappointment, by all means kick and scream and whine and weep, for while. You expected things to go along as they had before. It's okay to ask, Ô'Why me?'' For a while.

Then it's time to shift gears and start accepting what is. You may be feeling that your situation is unfair, but in reality, it just is. So, try to embrace any good that might be hidden in it. Have you learned something? Did someone else benefit? Have you received love and concern? Has it strengthened your faith? Once you have mourned your loss, and acknowledged any good, shift your focus to what you want next.

Facing forward, squaring your shoulders to the future, envision all that your soul desires. Allow yourself to dream again, of how you want to feel, who you want to share your life with, where you want to live, what you want to contribute, and when you want to move on. Then, you'll just have to get your feet to follow your heart.

I mentioned that the second common roadblock to moving on to what's best for you next is fear... fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not being loved, fear of not being enough. Fear of the unknown -anything outside of our comfort zone - is universally human. It is exquisitely normal to be afraid. But, it need not be immobilising. For the courage to walk with your fears in the direction of your dreams, you might have to change your mind.

Change all thoughts to empowering ones. Ask not "Why me?" Ask, "What can I do to reach my goals?" Change any mindset of "I can't" to a mindset of "I can." Just as when you climbed the high diving board as a child, gave a first speech in college, got married, or decided to be a parent, you will find the strength to face any future challenges.

Change any overly independent thoughts such as "I'll handle this alone" to "I have many sources of help, if I simply ask." Shift any catastrophising thoughts such as "This is the worst thing that could happen to me" to "I'm sure I'll survive this one."

The secret to moving on is to simply keep moving ,one thought, one step, and one day at a time.

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(See also: Practising Affirmations, Affirmations, Practising Affirmations, Life Transforming Affirmations, Essence of Affirmations, Faith and Belief, Peace of Mind, Love and Happiness, Body Mind and Soul)