Spiritual Growth: How to Deal with Dark Shadows  

By MARGUERITE THEOPHIL  

Spiritual Growth: How to Deal with Dark Shadows  

Who we think we are, is what we grow up to be. Simultaneously, we also develop a corresponding sense of who we are not. What we think we're not is the stuff that makes up our 'shadow', that part of us which consists of the unexplored, feared and unwanted qualities - whatever does not fit into our image of how we should be.

Poet Robert Bly says we dump what we consider personally and socially undesirable into a sort of invisible bag we carry around, with its contents growing as we grow older. The shadow is not about our 'bad' parts. What makes it so undesirable to us is what we put there has remained unattended for long periods.

Even positive aspects - strong leadership qualities, for instance - could end up in that bag. Anything 'put away in the bag' will at first repulse us because it has been disowned and untouched. It is just those elements we like least about ourselves - or repress completely and may even deny having - that contain qualities that must be recognised, owned and embraced.

Often we are satisfied with the recognising bit. If we can go on to own the aspect, we also take responsibility of the effects of these traits on ourselves and on others. Then, we can understand our motivation, behaviour, and relationships better. It is how and when we use them that leads to either wholesome or unwholesome living. Also, we can lighten the load of that heavy bag we carry around with us all the time.

If we continue to bag the shadow, over time our capacity to respond from the authentic self becomes less possible. We spend so much energy in denying a great part of who we really are instead of using that energy to understand ourselves in our wholeness. Denying our sha-dow, we project our undesirable tendencies on to others.

Projections happen when we put on to others parts we do not yet claim/own, as in: "You make such good observations and comments; I am so bad at this." They also happen with parts of ourselves we do not want to claim/own: "She is so critical; I cannot stand how she labels others." What we see in others may very possibly be true of them too, but these parts of our own selves are mostly unconscious or invisible to ourselves - although they can often be quite obvious to others. Similarly, as we so tragically see today, any group, community, nation, or organisation, can have a collective projected shadow-bag, a 'what-we-are-not' that turns into a 'what-they-are', causing more hatred and conflict between groups and nations than we can imagine.

What happens when we do recognise, own and embrace the shadow? To begin with, if people and groups face the shadow and deal with the internal created 'enemies', we would not have to project them and create so many outward ones. At some point, when we feel ready - or when it appears we are pushed by invisible forces to do so - we begin to develop into our authentic selves by handling our own shadow material.

Robert Johnson, an expert on the subject, feels that most of us have an oversimplified understanding that to be 'good' is to only own desirable qualities. He suggests the working definition of goodness needs to be 'the balanced person', one who is able to hold both sides of the self. For, such a person is free. We need to work slowly, with love and compassion for ourselves, applying small course corrections, being patient and mainly by watching out for when we project our own shadow material on to other people/groups.

We do shadow-work too, by having some quiet time for reflection on our learning, through meditating on this and by remembering to appreciate ourselves for taking these steps. It takes courage to name the shadow and hold it up to the light - yet, knowing that this is our real hope for wholeness can encourage us to begin this important aspect of Life's journey.

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More from same author see: MARGUERITE THEOPHIL  

See also: Spiritual Growth, Faith and Belief, Spiritual Guidance, God and Religion, Peace on Earth, Peace of Mind, Love and Happiness, Life and Beyond, Body Mind and Soul)